Gaslighting: How to recognize it and not perpetuate it
Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, has become increasingly prevalent in today's workplaces. It's a subtle yet destructive force that erodes trust, creates a sense of unease, and undermines the culture we strive to build.
Whether intentional or unintentional, gaslighting can have serious consequences on individuals and teams.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the perpetrator gradually makes the victim question their reality. It's an all-too-common occurrence in both personal and professional relationships, but in the context of leadership, its effects can be particularly damaging.
This is not just a psychological concept; it has tangible ramifications in the workplace, from hampering innovation to sabotaging team morale. It's the responsibility of every leader to not only recognize gaslighting behaviours within themselves but also to foster a work environment that is transparent, supportive, and free from such insidious mental manipulation.
Common Tactics of Gaslighters
Denial and refusal to acknowledge: A gaslighter might adamantly deny situations or aspects of reality that you know to be true, causing you to question your perceptions.
Withholding information: They may deliberately withhold important information or lie by omission to destabilize your sense of reality.
Trivializing concerns: No matter how large the issue, a gaslighter will often downplay your worries or concerns, making you feel irrational for speaking out.
Twisting and reframing situations: When confronted, they twist the facts to favour their own position, making you doubt your memories or understanding of events.
Gaslighting doesn’t occur in a vacuum; it has repercussions that spread throughout the team. Victims of gaslighting may become less confident, second-guess their decisions, and ultimately feel psychologically unsafe in their work environment. This can lead to a team dynamic characterised by fear, reluctance to speak up, and toxic internal competition.
Combatting gaslighting requires a conscious effort to lead with honesty, empathy, and respect for the individual experiences and perspectives of team members.
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step in addressing it. Some common signs include feeling confused, doubting your own judgement, and feeling like you're constantly walking on eggshells. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, so it's crucial to address it early on.
Here’s how you can start to become the kind of leader who refuses to tolerate gaslighting in their team or in themselves:
1. Transparent Communication
Be an open book in your communication. Use direct, clear language to address issues and make decisions. If there is contentious feedback or news, deliver it with clarity and offer the data or evidence that supports it. This level of transparency not only builds trust but sets a standard for behaviour within your team.
2. Respect for Boundaries
Every team member comes with their own set of personal and professional boundaries. A gaslighter has little regard for these limits and often pushes past them. Good leaders demonstrate respect for these boundaries, both in policies and interpersonal relationships, and they actively foster an environment where every team member's voice is heard and honoured.
3. Encouraging a Culture of Feedback
Creating a culture where feedback is welcomed and constructive dissent is encouraged is a potent defence against gaslighting. When team members are accustomed to questioning and being questioned in a supportive manner, manipulation tactics are seen for what they are. Your role, as a leader, is to model this behaviour and ensure all feedback is received and processed with respect.
4. Self Reflection and Awareness
Leadership is not just about directing others; it's about continuous personal growth. It's therefore crucial that you, as a leader, engage in regular self-reflection to understand the impact of your actions and communication style on the well-being of your team.
Evaluate your interactions with team members and consider if there were any instances where they could have felt manipulated or undermined. Openness to personal growth and change are powerful tools against the pattern of gaslighting.
5. Setting Clear Expectations
Communicate clear expectations for behaviour from the outset. Define what respectful communication looks like and what will not be tolerated. Be consistent in applying these standards to everyone in the team, regardless of their position or relationship to you.
6. Providing Resources
Ensure that team members have access to the resources and support they need. This may include conflict resolution training, access to a mental health professional, or even simple mechanisms for reporting and addressing inappropriate behaviour.
7. Supporting Victims
In the unfortunate event that gaslighting does occur despite preventative measures, it is imperative that victims of manipulation are supported. This level of support is essential in maintaining the trust of your team and fostering a culture of resilience.
Fostering a workplace devoid of gaslighting empowers your team members to bring their full selves to their work, to communicate openly and authentically, and ultimately, to achieve their full potential.
The professional world is brighter when we lead without shadow.
